Women, don’t ask your husband to process your emotions or stress.

men stress

When a woman’s stress impacts her emotional stability, it’s essential to process it herself and with girlfriends before telling her husband about her problems.

Relationships stay healthy when couples work together to support themselves and each other to process stress and emotional issues stress causes in the most effective way for each person. 

Emotional intelligence requires individuals to respect their natural ability to manage stress and the associated emotional pain and instability.

Stress and the emotional toll should not be underestimated by wasting time dabbling or going through the motions to say we’re doing something when we know it won’t work this way.

By ignoring stress, we allow it to build it can cause emotional strain that can distract us from addressing important issues when we need to relieve them quickly.

No healthy man or woman would intentionally prevent someone from doing whatever they need to manage stressful times or improve their emotional well-being. 

So, why would we do that to the person we love?

Do you do that?

Are you sure?

Women. How many of you read the first two lines of this post and were completely put off?

I imagine many, I’m sure, and many men too.

Do you know why?

In the first two sentences opening this post, I described the typical male process for managing stress and emotions, only writing a woman in the leading role instead of a man.

Women do not process and manage stress and emotions the same way as men. They are almost complete opposites.

That confusion and near repulsion you women felt reading how I suggested you deal with your stress and emotions are how men feel when you tell them they should or need to be more emotionally available or open to sharing their feelings, stress, and emotions with you when upset.

We tend to see the opposite sex through our own sex’s lenses and assume they feel, process, and find relief in the same ways. We don’t.

When men feel stressed or are worried about something, they focus inward on the issue and will reflect and think about it for a while. 

As they roll it around, look at it differently from different angles, and think it through, new solutions begin to appear.

Men need a next step, a plan, or a few options to resolve issues they get stuck on or bother them. 

After all, women, what do men so often want to do when you share your problems or feelings with them? 

Women, you know the answer. 

What are women always saying to men when the man interjects to help when their woman talks about her stress or issues?

They say, “I’m not asking you to fix my problem. I want you to listen.” Right?

Ding, Ding, Ding!

A man’s natural biological response to a problem is to take action to fix it. He wants to fix yours, and he wants to fix his.

A man feels a problem, thinks it over for a while, looks for ways to fix it, and then talks to his male friends about it. Why? Men give solutions!

He’s not choosing to talk to them over you. He’s following his natural process for dealing with emotional issues or problems. 

Oh, and when he asks the men about it, it’s a one-line question that gets a few one-line suggestions, and even if he doesn’t do what they say, part of him will relax, having more options and taking that action toward a solution. 

Men need a plan. 

Even if it is a plan to make a plan, that’s still a plan, and his stressed system will start to calm down a bit. 

He needs to think and develop options to relax him a bit more. He needs input from other men to confirm he’s on the right track and get more options, which relaxes him even further. 

Now, he is much calmer and can focus on you, play his role in your process, focus on you, and just listen. Everybody wins!

Women, this is important. If you try and make him use your process for his problem, you will delay his process and add more stress as he goes through the motions he knows won’t help him. 

Just like how all you women felt reading the first two sentences of this post, and if we forced you to process stress like men do. It doesn’t work the same. 

Honor each other’s innate process and biological solutions for emotional stability and stress resilience.

We can do better!

Dr. Don

hormonal man
women and pills
male vulnerability